Chapter VII. Conjugial Love and the Love Of Children

Next in importance to the conjugial union is that other fundamental purpose of marriage, namely, the production of offspring for the sake of "the propagation of the human race, and hence of the angelic heaven." CL 68.

We are instructed that the end of creation is that there should be a heaven of angels from the human race, whereby the love of God can be reciprocated and expressed. And since the Divine Love is infinite, it follows that an unlimited number of human beings is required for this end. Hence the strength of the sexual instinct, occasioned by the "sphere of procreation" proceeding from God. For there are, we read,

Further, it is said:

Yet it is also true that

And that the sphere of protecting offspring

For, as is well known, bad parents can love their children too, and this is of Divine Providence, otherwise the human race could hardly continue. Yet, essentially, the genuine love of children is bound up with conjugial love, that is, with parents who are spiritual and interiorly united, for so we read: The love of children is always conjoined with conjugial love. CL 385.

It is the true love of children which is meant in this last statement, and which can only exist with those who are in conjugial love. For though externally-minded parents love their children, they do so only in a self-centred sort of way, and because of the natural delights which the possession of children affords, whereas spiritually-minded parents are chiefly concerned for their children's moral and spiritual development. Thus both types of parents delight in, and are affected by, the innocence and charm of children, but the former look upon children as part of themselves and care little how they develop spiritually so long as they can obtain their affection. They excuse their faults, close their eyes to their misdeeds, and are indignant if anyone so much as hints that their children need correction. One can see how this merely natural and self-centred love of children accounts for the lack of parental responsibility which is such a besetting problem of this age. The following passage should be impressed upon the minds of all who have the care and responsibility of children in their earlier and later years:

SIZE OF FAMILIES

From what has been said concerning the need of the Divine Love, which is infinite, for an unlimited number of creatures who can reciprocate that love, it follows that it is incumbent upon married partners to have as many children as they can manage to bring up properly, and without undue strain on the mother. Spiritual parents will not need any urging on this score, and what limitations, if any, they set on their procreative powers will be regulated by the best of motives, not by merely natural, still less selfish, considerations. In this modern age, with its opportunities for women to engage in public duties, and its many inducements for both sexes to pursue a worldly life, many parents shirk the responsibility of bringing up children, either having none at all, or else limiting their offspring to one or two at the most. In such matters, of course, people must be left in freedom; so also, as regards the use of contraceptives, about which there is no specific guidance in the doctrines of the New Church. Yet it is clear that anyone who uses contraceptives merely for self-indulgence and for avoiding children altogether is living in a state of sin. Ideally, where birth-control is needed, it should be by self-control, not by artificial means. Spiritual parents who need to limit the mother's fecundity, will exercise self- control as much as possible, making as little use as they can of contraceptives.

THE PURPOSE OF SEXUAL INTERCOURSE

The question arises as to whether intercourse should be only for the sake of producing children. Biologically this might seem so, but psychologically and spiritually it is not so. For the act of coition is an ultimation of the outgoing and flowing together of the souls of man and wife; and their love-making is not just for the purpose of propagation as it is with animals. And yet, such is the intimate relationship between this outflowing of love and the love of having offspring that in all true love both these essentials are present. This is because of the spiritual law that the union of love and wisdom is always associated with the production of effects in the form of good uses and clearer perceptions of truth. And so it is that we are taught that in heaven, where there are no natural offspring, for all children are born on the earth, there are spiritual offspring which are affections of good and perceptions of truth; as the following passage declares:

Again, in one of his memorable experiences, dealing with three newcomers into the spiritual world who wanted to know what the state of married partners was after death, Swedenborg writes:

CHILDREN IN HEAVEN

Such, then, is the spiritual and eternal purpose of marriage and of the marriage act, and with those who are in conjugial love on earth such spiritual effects take place whether or not natural offspring are forthcoming. Nevertheless, there is no conjugial love where there is no desire for natural offspring and no love of rearing children both for life in this world and in heaven after death. And should any parents lose a child through its early decease, they may know that they have been instrumental in adding one more human soul to the vast concourse of the heavens. For every child who dies in infancy or childhood is received into heaven and grows up there, eventually becoming an angel of heaven; as we read:

And further, it is said: