The Doctrine of the New Church on Sex and Marriage

by Rupert Stanley, B.A.

Table of Contents

1. The origin and purpose of sex - The difference between man and woman - The nature of the marriage union
2. Love truly conjugial and the love of the sex - The improper love of the sex
3. Betrothals - Love at first sight - Extent of the courtship period - Solemnisation of marriage by the Church
4. The development of conjugial love - Causes of coldness in marriage - Continuance of true marriage after death
5. Adultery and divorce
6. Remarriages
7. Conjugial love and the love of children - Size of families - The purpose of sexual intercourse
8. Description of a married couple in heaven

This small volume, which deals with one of the most important and fundamental of all subjects, consists of two parts. The first summarises the doctrine of the New Church on Sex and Marriage, based on Emanuel Swedenborg's book Conjugial Love, and the second treats of the Psychology of Sex and Marriage, based on the doctrine of the New Church.

Though this work has been produced primarily for the use of young people, without as well as within the New Church, it will doubtless be found to be of considerable help to those of maturer years who may read its pages and who are seeking instruction and guidance in these matters. At a time when marriage is widely regarded as a merely natural institution for life in this world, and when immorality is frequently condoned, there is a real need for some presentation of the spiritual principles involved in marriage, such as this book affords.

No attempt has been made to treat of the physiological side of sex, the writers having assumed that their readers will be possessed of a basic knowledge of this subject.

Chapter I. The Origin And Purpose Of Sex

And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness... so God created man in his image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.

Genesis 1: 26, 27

For a proper understanding of the meaning and purpose of sex we must enquire why mankind has been created twofold, male and female. It is natural to suppose that this is for the sake of propagation and the continuance of the human race. But though this is indeed the case, it is not the only, nor indeed the fundamental, reason for the existence of the two sexes. It is conceivable, for instance, that God could have created beings of one kind only, able to propagate without sexual intercourse, like some of the lower forms of life. Biologists regard sex as a means devised by nature for the continuance of life, yet it is well known that the production of offspring without mating occurs among these lower forms of life even where both male and female forms exist. Thus, as Professor F. A. E. Crew points out in An Outline of Modern Knowledge (1931):

The Indian stick insect, Dixippus, exists in both the male and female forms, but the male is exceedingly rare and the mating of male and female has never been observed. The female lays a great number of eggs which develop without having been fertilised.

Manifestly, therefore, sexuality is not essential for reproduction throughout nature, and the foregoing example serves to show that differences of sex exist even where the function of propagation is not served thereby; so that there must be some other explanation to account for the two sexual forms.

What, then, is the origin and purpose of sex? The answer is to be found in the twofold nature of God by Whom all things were created and in Whose image man has been formed. God is a Being of Love and Wisdom, and the impress of this duality is to be seen in all creation, but supremely in man. It appears, for example, in the terraqueous globe of land and sea, in the light and heat proceeding from the sun, in acids and alkalis, in positive and negative electricity, and in the male and female counterparts in flowers. In the animal kingdom this duality appears in the sexes with their distinguishing features, more noticeable in some creatures than in others. The cock and the hen, and the lion and his mate, are easily distinguishable; the gander and the goose much less so. Distinctions in the appearance of the sexes increase as we climb the scale of creation, and it is when we come to man that these differences are most clearly marked; not so much as regards physical features (in which respect some animals and birds are as clearly differentiated as human beings), but as regards the mind. There are mental differences, of course, among animals; cows, for example, are more docile than bulls. But it is in the human mind that these differences are most far-reaching; going, as they do, to the roots of human nature. For sex is not of the body only, but of the mind and soul, and all the rich variety and subtle contrasts shown by the male and female mind are due to the initial and fundamental distinction between the soul of man and woman.

It is evident on the surface that the masculine mind differs from the feminine in that the former is more robust, forceful and intellectual than the other. But the fundamental distinction between man and woman lies in the fact that

The male is born into the affection of knowing, understanding and becoming wise, and the female is born into the love of conjoining herself with that affection in the male. CL 33*

From this underlying distinction of soul proceed all other differences between man and woman, both as to mind and body. In general, we may say that in man the intellect predominates, and in woman, the affections.

To quote Milton:

For contemplation he and valour formed; For softness she and sweet attractive grace.

Yet, strange as it may appear, it is man who is created in the image of Divine Love, and woman in the image of Divine Wisdom. The explanation for this is that the essence of a man's soul is love; that is, the love of wisdom; whereas the essence of a woman's soul is the wisdom which she derives from man, and which underlies her desire to be united with a man. Thus we read:

It will be noticed that this analysis of the masculine and feminine soul refers particularly to a husband and wife. This is because the marriage union is the primary purpose for which the sex distinction exists, and only in the true marriage state do the masculine and feminine souls realise their full potentialities and enjoy that mutual interrelation of love and wisdom described above. Yet, even apart from marriage, it is evident that men and women are complementary to each other; the female sex being more passive and receptive where knowledge and judgment are concerned, and the male sex being more active and originative. On the other hand, by their interest in man's achievements and their stronger moral sense, women tend to direct man's intellectual bias into channels of useful activity, and to foster good manners. Thus, by their different natures, men and women serve different yet interrelated uses both to each other and to the community. Needless to say, there are many exceptions to this generalisation so far as external life is concerned. Some men are more practical than many women, and many women engage in public duties on an equal footing with men. Nevertheless, the root differences remain, and marriage is the all-important means, Divinely ordained, whereby man and woman attain their proper state and fulfil the purpose of their creation. As another passage declares:

In every true marriage there is a spiritual union of love and wisdom whereby a married pair become one human being in the sight of God, and an image of the perfect union of Love and Wisdom in God. This union is effected chiefly through the wife in the following way. By her love for her husband and her innate inclination to unite herself with him, the wife receives her husband's wisdom into herself the effect of this being to bring about a change in both the man and his wife. With the husband the change consists in the purging of his mind from the conceit of self-intelligence, thus in softening and humanising his intellectual pride. His love of wisdom, that is, of knowing, understanding and becoming wise, is then no longer actuated by self-love, but by the love of good which makes one with the love of his wife, and by her love for him. For a true wife cannot "warm" towards her husband unless his knowledge and abilities are directed outwards to good ends and not turned inwards upon himself. Thus, he sees the quality of his wisdom not from himself but in his wife's regard for him, and his desire for this regard is the measure both of his love for his wife and of his love of wisdom.

As for the wife, she becomes a true consort by receiving her husband's wisdom into herself; this wisdom then forming her innermost being. Thus, the wife's soul is fashioned from the wisdom of her husband, as is signified by the story in Genesis of the rib taken from Adam and formed into a woman; wherefore Adam said, "She shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man." Gen. 2. 23. And so we read:

Note, however, that the man's wisdom which the wife receives into herself and by which she is united with her husband, is not his knowledge and intellectual attainments, but his attitude towards life formed from a right appreciation of what is true and good; this latter we may call practical or moral wisdom. For there are two kinds of wisdom, rational and moral; the former belonging to the intellect, the latter to the will. Thus we read:

Concerning the virtues of moral wisdom with which the wife is especially conjoined to her husband, we read:

However, notwithstanding that a wife's union with her husband is especially with his moral wisdom, she is also united with his rational wisdom by a kind of perception without actually entering into the particulars of his intellectual attainments. Thus, it is said:

This is explained as follows:

Concerning the union of the wife with man's moral wisdom, we read:

Such, then, is the nature of the marriage union whereby man and wife become an image and likeness of God; and such is the primary purpose of sex. Our next step is to consider the nature of the love of the sex in relation to true marriage love.

Chapter II. Love Truly Conjugial, and the Love of The Sex

Matthew 19: 5.

The love of the sex is a merely natural instinct which human beings, in common with the animals, have for the opposite sex in general. It is not to be confused with that spiritual love, called "conjugial love" which exists between a married pair who are united in true marriage love. The sexual instinct in itself is not impure, as has been wrongly taught in the Christian Church, but it is rendered impure by the fact that man is a fallen creature who tends, before regeneration, to indulge his natural and sensual desires to the exclusion of the higher claims of the mind and soul. Man is essentially a spiritual being, and the sexual appetite, like all the natural appetites and desires, should be kept subservient to the needs of the soul.

Concerning the nature of the love of the sex and its relation to conjugial love, we read:

Again, it is said:

We see, then, that conjugial love and the love of the sex are not by any means the same thing, and that the former is not just a heightened form of the latter, but owes its origin to man's progress in wisdom, and in the love of good and truth. For this reason the term "conjugial" acquires a specific meaning distinct from ordinary marriage or conjugal love, as is thus stated:

In other words, the love of the sex belongs to the merely natural man and woman, and remains such even in marriage if there is no progress in wisdom; thus, no development of the spiritual mind by regeneration. But with the spiritual man and woman, the love of the sex, though still remaining, is purified of its grossness, and into it, as into a matrix, is instilled the spiritual love of wisdom whereby the union of mind and soul, which is conjugial love, is effected. Even so, there is but one universal conjugial sphere which produces both the love of the sex and conjugial love, as the following passage teaches:

In this last citation, reference is made to the love of one of the sex which should be kept before the mind to counteract the roving spirit of the general love of the sex. This brings us to the teaching on the sin of fornication; that is, 'the indulgence of the sexual appetite with one or several of the opposite sex apart from marriage.

Fornication is defined as "the lust of a grown-up youth, before marriage, with a loose woman" (CL 444), and it is said to be not opposite to conjugial love as adultery is. . . it may also be wiped away, provided only that conjugial love be regarded, wished for, and sought after, as the chief good. CL 449.

It should be obvious that sexual evils, like any other forms of evil, are of different degrees, and much depends upon the spirit in which they are committed. There is, for example, a radical distinction between wilfully leading an immoral life from a cynical disregard of marriage and its ideals, and an occasional lapse due to strong temptation "by reason of superabundance" or "venereal excitement," (CL 450), or to weakness in withstanding the allurements of the senses. In both cases a sin is committed, but in the one case it is grievous, since it springs from the will; in the other case it is light, so long as it is repented of, and so long as a lasting union with one of the opposite sex is still desired at heart. Hence it is said:

Light or grievous, however, it is still "a lust of the natural man not yet purified" (ibid.), and therefore evil. But in the one case the youth or girl, from being impure, can become pure; in the other case, he or she is gradually coming into a confirmed state of opposition to conjugial love.

The love of the sex is at first impure with everyone because of mankind's fallen state, and because of the "inordinate desires which flow in from the allurements of the flesh" (CL 102). It only becomes pure to the extent that man is purified by regeneration; when, from being corporeal and sensual, he becomes rational and spiritual; as the following passage declares:

Chapter III. Betrothals

I am my beloved's, and his desire is toward me.

The Song of Solomon 7: 10

It is a common saying that love is blind, young love especially, because the judgment in early life can so easily be overborne by the ardour of the love of the sex and by the delights of the senses. For this reason a period of courtship is necessary in order that the young lovers may get to know one another better. For this reason, also, it is right and fitting that the advice and guidance of parents should be sought. Thus it is said concerning a daughter that she should consult her parents because her judgment is not yet able to discern clearly the characters of men from their tastes . . . or to search out such things as belong to the habits and peculiarities of her suitor. CL 299.

We note that it is the girl, or daughter, who is particularly required to consult her parents. This is because it rests with the girl to give consent to her suitor's proposal of marriage. For it is the place of the man to court a girl, he being at first "in the general love of the sex" (CL 296), whereas a girl has the innate love of uniting herself with one of the opposite sex (ibid.). Thus the all-important decision of accepting a suitor, who may be one of several, rests with the girl; and it is generally the case that when a girl once "gives her heart" she does so utterly; whereas the man, being at first in the general love of the sex, can more easily transfer his affection to another if his suit is rejected. Then, again, woman, being a form of affection, and being in the innate desire of uniting herself with one of the opposite sex, is more likely to be led astray by this desire and by her affections, as the following passage observes: Man is horn to be understanding, woman to be love; also with men there is the general love of the sex, but with women the love of one of the sex. . . . Nevertheless, women have the right of choosing one of their suitors. . . Because men are born to be understanding, they can see clearly agreements and disagreements, and distinguish them, and from judgment choose what is suitable. It is otherwise with women because they are born for love, and do not possess the clearsightedness of that light; consequently, their determinations to marriage proceed from the inclinations of their love. If they have a knowledge of how to distinguish between men, still their love is drawn towards appearances. CL 296.

It is for these reasons that daughters in particular should be willing to be guided to some extent by their parents in their choice of a husband; though it goes without saying that daughters ought nevertheless to deliberate on the matter with themselves before they consent, lest they should be led against their will into a connection with an unloved man. CL 299.

It is a common complaint that in the Victorian age parents were too much given to arranging their daughter's marriage; often for worldly reasons. Nowadays, the tendency is to exercise little or no control over a daughter's love affairs. Many an injudicious marriage could have been prevented by the avoidance of both these extremes. As for sons, they too should not ignore their parents' views. Indeed, young men are often more in need of guidance in these matters than women, because of their susceptibility to outward charm. Obviously, the teaching outlined above concerning masculine discernment and feminine impressionability will not apply to exceptionally impressionable and weak-minded men or to exceptionally strong-minded and perspicacious women.

It may be asked, "Is there such a thing as love at first sight ?" Undoubtedly there is, as the following passage implies:

This statement is made of meetings in the spiritual world; thus, of children who have died in infancy and been educated in heaven. Yet as the opening sentence implies, they can also take place on earth. Even so, such love at first sight is still no more than the pure love of the sex which "emulates truly conjugial love" (CL 58), and which develops by the orderly process of courtship, betrothal and marriage, into real conjugial love.

As regards the extent of the courtship period, this will naturally vary according to circumstances, but it should be sufficient to allow the first external attraction to develop into something deeper. Then, when a certain degree of union of soul and mind has been reached, the engagement, or betrothal, takes place by mutual consent and with the giving of a ring and any other pledge of the intention to belong to one another and to be wed. Among the deep spiritual reasons for betrothal are these:

• That after betrothal the souls of both may mutually incline towards each other.
• That the interior affections may be mutually known and conjoined.
• That the spirits of both may enter into a marriage and be more closely associated.
• That thereby conjugial love may progress regularly from its first heat even to the nuptial flame. CL301

Thus, there is to be a mingling of souls and minds, and an ever ripening acquaintance; but not, of course, any consummation of this inner union as yet in the body. For so we read:

Wherefore:

And the passage continues:

We read further:

We conclude this section with the following weighty reasons why the marriage ceremony should be

held in the church, and not in a registry office.

Chapter IV. The Development of Conjugial Love

Matthew 14: 6

IT has been shown that marriage love begins with the natural love of the sex directed to one of the opposite sex. It follows, therefore, that this love is at first a natural affection in spite of the romantic bliss which attends the period of courtship and the early period of married life, and which is so often mistaken for the real spiritual union which has to be achieved. That this is so is explicitly taught in the following statements:

It cannot then be too strongly emphasised that a successful, satisfying and happy marriage is bound up with spiritual development, and that truly conjugial love is something which has to be achieved; it is not given in the first romantic attachment. The illusion that a full union is obtained from the start, or that it comes from the experience of falling in love, is due to the exalted state of happiness which usually accompanies the period of courtship. This state is not conjugial love itself, but an image of it, and a foretaste of that deeper union and deeper joy which is to be gradually won. How this deeper union and joy is attained is indicated in the following passage:

Something more, then, is needed than that first romantic love which is the familiar theme of poets, novelists and song-writers, and whose waning intensity is the butt of so much shallow joking on the music-halls and elsewhere. It is true that the ecstatic delights of the courtship period usually give place later to more sober states of mind as incompatibilities appear, and as the trials and responsibilities of married life arise. Yet those same passionate delights of early love, though somewhat external, will have served their purpose of initiating the lovers into that union of souls which is the very essential of marriage, and this union will develop more and more in so far as there is a corresponding union of minds brought about by facing life's experiences together, and in so far as husband and wife advance in regeneration. If these points were more clearly realised there would be less misunderstanding and disillusion among married couples, who, when the first quarrel comes, imagine that their marriage has been a mistake. Discrepancies of one kind and another, due to differences in outlook, upbringing and endowment, are inevitable, except in rare cases where the two are so perfectly matched that they see eye to eye on everything. Indeed, even in the case of those who never disagree, if such there be, this is not necessarily an indication that they are capable of achieving the conjugial union; for a state of outward harmony is not necessarily an indication of an ever deepening spiritual union. Nor, on the other hand, are the little disagreements which arise any indication that the flame of conjugial love is extinguished. As the following passage states:

Needless to say, this does not mean that a state of external harmony is not something to be desired, or that a quarrelsome pair are making the most progress towards that inner union of mind and soul which conjugial love requires. What it does mean is that we cannot judge according to appearances, and that, as a psychological fact, those who desire a real spiritual union are anxious to correct one another's faults, so that they may be more inwardly united; whilst, on the other hand, those who care only for external things will maintain a shallow external harmony by taking the line of least resistance, and by agreeing to "live and let live." As already said, the inward spiritual union is dependent on something more than external satisfactions. There must be a striving of the spirit to attain a deeper understanding of one another and a more perfect way of life; and this means that religious principles and ideals must be present with the married pair. It is indeed the absence of religion more than anything else which is the root cause of disunion in marriage, not the external discrepancies which mutual endeavour, confidence and love can easily remove.

On this point, namely, the importance of religion in marriage, we have the following teaching. Swedenborg is speaking of the causes of coldness between man and wife. He points out that there are both internal and external causes, but that the external causes usually spring from the internal ones which are due to the absence or incompatibility of religious beliefs. Thus we read:

It may be supposed that these statements concerning the fundamental influence of religion in marriage are not borne out in actual life, since there appear to be any number of happy marriages without any definite religious beliefs held either by one or by both of the partners; also there are marriages between people of different religious persuasions which appear to be quite successful. But, as already pointed out, a state of external harmony is no necessary criterion of an internal union of souls and minds, and we cannot judge from the outward life of a married pair what their internal state is like, any more than we can tell for certain whether a man who lives an outwardly good life is genuinely good at heart. The disjunction caused by lack of religion, or by different religions, affects the internal state; it may not affect the external state when other factors, such as mutual interests, the care of children, natural affection, and other such external ties, conspire to produce an external union. Hence we read:

Because of this:

As regards external causes of coldness in marriage, these are many and various; the chief ones may be listed as follows:

• Unlikeness of disposition and manners: as when an uncultivated man marries a well-bred woman, and vice versa.
• Disdain for conjugial chastity by one or both of the married pair.
• The attempt by either husband or wife to dominate the other.
• A rooted dislike of work, so that either the husband neglects his occupation or the wife her duties in the home.
• Extreme inequality in age, social standing, and wealth. CL 246-250.

In all such cases, of course, the marriage should not have taken place at all, and it is one of the duties of parents to protect their sons or daughters, as far as they can, from forming attachments of that kind. Undoubtedly, however, the majority of marriages are of the right kind externally, and remain successful externally, even if there is no conjugial union within. Hence we read:

Thus we see there are natural or external marriages, and there are spiritual or internal marriages; and with the latter there will be an ever closer approximation to that perfect union of the masculine and feminine souls, thus of love and wisdom, which is an image of the union of Love and Wisdom in the Lord. Such marriages are not for this world only, but for heaven and thus for eternity.

On this last point, i.e., that true marriages continue to all eternity in heaven, it is necessary to add that the statement in the gospel,

For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are as the angels of God in heaven. Matthew 22: 30. does not mean that there are no married pairs in heaven, or that sexual differences cease to exist after death. The Lord is here speaking about merely external marriages such as were common in those days, and still are, and saying that such external unions cannot exist in heaven. For all who dwell in heaven are so united by conjugial love that They are not two, but one angel. CL 52.

The truth is, as has already been shown, that man and woman are not complete by themselves. Each needs the other in order to become perfect "man," and for this reason there are also marriages which take place in heaven for those who are capable of conjugial love but who have not found their soul's mate here upon earth.

Chapter V. Adultery And Divorce

Matthew 19: 9

It might be supposed that because the principal purpose of marriage is that there should be a conjugial union of love and wisdom, therefore all marriages which fail in this respect should be dissolved. But from what has been said concerning external communion it is clear that such a procedure is neither desirable nor wise, even supposing it were possible to know for certain in any marriage, except the obvious misfits, that the conjugial union could not be achieved. Moreover, such action would be disastrous to the social order which depends mainly upon the preservation of family life. It is for this latter reason that divorce is not allowed in many countries except for very weighty reasons, such as infidelity, cruelty and desertion. Until a few years ago, divorce in England could only be obtained for adultery; but, since the passing of the Matrimonial Causes Act in 1937, it is granted also for desertion, cruelty and incurable insanity. No doubt these other grievances seem serious enough to justify divorce; yet they should rather be regarded as causes for separation only, as the following teaching implies: The one and only cause of divorce is whoredom, according to the Lord's precept in Matthew 19: 9. To the same cause also belong manifest obscenities which banish decency . . . also malicious desertion which involves whoredom and causes the wife to commit adultery (Matthew 5: 32). CL 468.

And it is added:

Further, we read that for other objectionable things, such as insanity, mental deficiency, cruelty, criminal conduct, coarse behaviour, neglect of the children, drunkenness, also certain chronic and loathsome diseases which make living together distasteful in the extreme, separation is permitted. CL 252, 253.

As for the interior reason why whoredom, thus adultery (for whoredom on the part of a married person is adultery), is the only sufficient ground for divorce, the following explanation is given:

From all this it follows that as "the conjugial principle is the jewel of human life" (CL 457) adultery should be abhorred as "the complex of all evils" (CL 356) because it proceeds from a rooted contempt for all that is pure and good. Wherefore, we are also taught that:

But this applies to adulterers of set purpose; for there are varying degrees of this evil, some being more hurtful to the soul than others. For so we read:

Those which are accounted mild are such as are committed either in ignorance or from strong incitement, and not from deliberate intent. Thus, a youth who does not know that intercourse with a married woman is a greater sin than fornication commits adultery from ignorance; so, too, does anyone who is extremely simple or mentally deficient. Such persons do not necessarily close heaven against themselves. Neither do those whose guilt consists solely in being overcome by strong seductive enticements; so long, of course, as they afterwards repent. In such cases the sin of adultery is not confirmed in the understanding, and so can be forgiven. The judgment in these cases is the same as that which the Lord pronounced on the woman taken in adultery; "Neither do I condemn thee; go, and sin no more." John 8, 11.

Adulteries of the grievous kind are those which are done with the full consent of the understanding; thus when they are not regarded as sins. And those which are more grievous still are such as are committed from an utterly depraved will. (See CL 486-494.) In these cases wrongdoers are basically evil; they lose all spirituality of mind, and on entering the other life they come into the hells where there are no marriage unions, but only the sensual attachments of harlots and libertines.

Chapter VI. Remarriages

In the resurrection whose wife shall she be?

Matthew 22: 28

We have seen that marriage is intended to be an eternal union consequent on the development of conjugial love. It follows, therefore, that in all cases where such a development has taken place, a second marriage after the decease of one of the partners can be excused only on the grounds of very strong external reasons, such as the following passage states:

But with those who have not been in conjugial love, we read:

It is obvious that in the case of a husband or wife who has been bound by internal bonds of affection in the first marriage, the second marriage will be merely a "mariage de convenance"; wherefore, on entering the spiritual world, this second marriage will automatically cease and the first marriage will be resumed. On the other hand, with those whose first marriage was merely natural, there will be either another external association like the first or, possibly, a true internal union to take the place of the former unsatisfactory affair. But it would seem that second marriages are rarely internal, for we read: The state of the marriage of a bachelor with a maiden is different from that of a bachelor with a widow . . . for with the former conjugial love is able to proceed in its proper order from its first heat to its flame. . . . But between a bachelor and a widow there is not such an initiation into marriage from first beginnings, nor a like progression in marriage, since a widow is more independent and at her own disposal than is a maiden. Wherefore, a bachelor addresses himself differently to his wife if she has been a widow from what he would if she were a maiden. CL 322.

So, too, in the case of a widower and a maiden.

However, these statements do not necessarily imply that second marriages cannot be of a truly conjugial kind, but only that they are rare. That truly conjugial love is possible with different types of marriage is definitely stated as follows:

Concerning what happens after death in the case of remarriages, we read:

As regards the remarriage of a divorced person, there can be no objection to this when the marriage has been completely annulled for the just and weighty causes given in the teaching on divorce, and when the guilty party has sincerely repented of his sin; wherefore it is said:

But if divorce is allowed by the State for all manner of lesser reasons, as is the case in some countries, the Church may rightly draw the line at consenting to remarry people who to all appearances are incapable of undertaking the duties and responsibilities, public and private, which the matrimonial state requires: each case, of course, being judged on its merits.

Chapter VII. Conjugial Love and the Love Of Children

Next in importance to the conjugial union is that other fundamental purpose of marriage, namely, the production of offspring for the sake of "the propagation of the human race, and hence of the angelic heaven." CL 68.

We are instructed that the end of creation is that there should be a heaven of angels from the human race, whereby the love of God can be reciprocated and expressed. And since the Divine Love is infinite, it follows that an unlimited number of human beings is required for this end. Hence the strength of the sexual instinct, occasioned by the "sphere of procreation" proceeding from God. For there are, we read,

Further, it is said:

Yet it is also true that

And that the sphere of protecting offspring

For, as is well known, bad parents can love their children too, and this is of Divine Providence, otherwise the human race could hardly continue. Yet, essentially, the genuine love of children is bound up with conjugial love, that is, with parents who are spiritual and interiorly united, for so we read: The love of children is always conjoined with conjugial love. CL 385.

It is the true love of children which is meant in this last statement, and which can only exist with those who are in conjugial love. For though externally-minded parents love their children, they do so only in a self-centred sort of way, and because of the natural delights which the possession of children affords, whereas spiritually-minded parents are chiefly concerned for their children's moral and spiritual development. Thus both types of parents delight in, and are affected by, the innocence and charm of children, but the former look upon children as part of themselves and care little how they develop spiritually so long as they can obtain their affection. They excuse their faults, close their eyes to their misdeeds, and are indignant if anyone so much as hints that their children need correction. One can see how this merely natural and self-centred love of children accounts for the lack of parental responsibility which is such a besetting problem of this age. The following passage should be impressed upon the minds of all who have the care and responsibility of children in their earlier and later years:

From what has been said concerning the need of the Divine Love, which is infinite, for an unlimited number of creatures who can reciprocate that love, it follows that it is incumbent upon married partners to have as many children as they can manage to bring up properly, and without undue strain on the mother. Spiritual parents will not need any urging on this score, and what limitations, if any, they set on their procreative powers will be regulated by the best of motives, not by merely natural, still less selfish, considerations. In this modern age, with its opportunities for women to engage in public duties, and its many inducements for both sexes to pursue a worldly life, many parents shirk the responsibility of bringing up children, either having none at all, or else limiting their offspring to one or two at the most. In such matters, of course, people must be left in freedom; so also, as regards the use of contraceptives, about which there is no specific guidance in the doctrines of the New Church. Yet it is clear that anyone who uses contraceptives merely for self-indulgence and for avoiding children altogether is living in a state of sin. Ideally, where birth-control is needed, it should be by self-control, not by artificial means. Spiritual parents who need to limit the mother's fecundity, will exercise self- control as much as possible, making as little use as they can of contraceptives.

The question arises as to whether intercourse should be only for the sake of producing children. Biologically this might seem so, but psychologically and spiritually it is not so. For the act of coition is an ultimation of the outgoing and flowing together of the souls of man and wife; and their love-making is not just for the purpose of propagation as it is with animals. And yet, such is the intimate relationship between this outflowing of love and the love of having offspring that in all true love both these essentials are present. This is because of the spiritual law that the union of love and wisdom is always associated with the production of effects in the form of good uses and clearer perceptions of truth. And so it is that we are taught that in heaven, where there are no natural offspring, for all children are born on the earth, there are spiritual offspring which are affections of good and perceptions of truth; as the following passage declares:

Again, in one of his memorable experiences, dealing with three newcomers into the spiritual world who wanted to know what the state of married partners was after death, Swedenborg writes:

Such, then, is the spiritual and eternal purpose of marriage and of the marriage act, and with those who are in conjugial love on earth such spiritual effects take place whether or not natural offspring are forthcoming. Nevertheless, there is no conjugial love where there is no desire for natural offspring and no love of rearing children both for life in this world and in heaven after death. And should any parents lose a child through its early decease, they may know that they have been instrumental in adding one more human soul to the vast concourse of the heavens. For every child who dies in infancy or childhood is received into heaven and grows up there, eventually becoming an angel of heaven; as we read:

And further, it is said:

Chapter VIII. Description of a Married Couple in Heaven

To conclude, let the following description of a married pair in heaven, as seen by Swedenborg, serve to depict conjugial love in its full splendour, such as it will be, though not necessarily in every outward detail, with all who are being more and more interiorly united here upon earth. There appeared a chariot descending out of the highest heaven, in which there appeared one angel; but, as it approached, there appeared two therein. The chariot at a distance glittered before my eyes like a diamond, and to it were harnessed young horses white as snow. Those who sat in the chariot held in their hands two turtledoves, and they called out to me, "Do you wish us to come nearer to you? In that case take care lest the coruscation which flashes out of the heaven from whence we have come, and which is flaming, should penetrate you interiorly." I replied, "I will take care; come nearer." They came nearer, and lo, it was a husband and his wife. And they said, "We are married partners; we have lived in happiness in heaven from the first age which is called by you the golden age, and we have lived perpetually in the same flower of youth in which you see us to-day."